


Karkat Vantas User's Manual

by achromaticBibliophile



Series: Homestuck Unit Manuals [9]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, Depression, Mentions of Death, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23331460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achromaticBibliophile/pseuds/achromaticBibliophile
Summary: I hope you guys are all as thrilled as we at WHAT PUMPKIN are! It’s taken a lot of blood, sweat, tears {Much of which belonged to Luis and all his assistants and fellow science nerds} and ecto biology sludge from clones but we are finally proud to announce that the line of TROLLS UNITS, inspired by their webcomic counterparts from our iconic HOMESTUCK series, are ready to roll out into the market! And first up, of course, is none other than everyone’s favorite shouty shortie and adorabloodthirsty leader, KARKAT VANTAS, the KNIGHT OF BLOOD and grumpy pantscat! And boy are you going to need this manual! Boy’s got more issues and trauma than the sky as stars, so it’s heavily encouraged that you take careful study of the info located here.
Series: Homestuck Unit Manuals [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610812
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Karkat Vantas User's Manual

**Karkat Vantas User’s Manual**

I hope you guys are all as thrilled as we at WHAT PUMPKIN are! It’s taken a lot of blood, sweat, tears {Much of which belonged to Luis and all his assistants and fellow science nerds} and ecto biology sludge from clones but we are finally proud to announce that the line of TROLLS UNITS, inspired by their webcomic counterparts from our iconic HOMESTUCK series, are ready to roll out into the market! And first up, of course, is none other than everyone’s favorite shouty shortie and adorabloodthirsty leader, KARKAT VANTAS, the KNIGHT OF BLOOD and grumpy pantscat! And boy are you going to need this manual! Boy’s got more issues and trauma than the sky as stars, so it’s heavily encouraged that you take careful study of the info located here.

 **Legal Asscovering Agenda {We got Trolls, we got trolls, yes Emma I’m gonna keep up this song. We got trolls!}**  
So, just to lay down the ground rules and answer any moral/ethical questions one might have, all HOMESTUCK UNITS are homegrown, ecto-biology created individuals all capable of rational thought, expression of self and existence, and personality. No humans, animals, insects, plants, aliens, etc. were harmed in the making of these individuals and no mindscrewing of innocent individuals like a cheap sci-fi series occurred either. Not only do our units look like their comic counterparts, but they think and act like them as well! How we achieved this is waaay too technical and complex and frankly boring to describe so I’m just gonna say this: We did it, there was green slime involved, and now we have these guys. Look you can prostrate in front of us and weep tears of joy later, right now I have a manual to monologue while the fresh meat-I mean newest employee {I can see you rolling your eyes Emma} faithfully transcribes my words for your reading pleasure.  
This however doesn’t mean that your unit might not have a negative reaction to learning that they were created with the sole purpose of replicating their fictional persona from a webcomic {Last time we tried to explain the situation to a prototype...eh, that’s not important and nobody died so it’s fine. Yes Emma, I know our lab got wrecked and you were terrified, so were half of the other guys}. So when the time comes to have the sit down to explain the birds, bees, and ecto-biology machines to them, be patient, kind, and preferably in a situation where physical harm isn’t a concern.  
So yeah, back to the moral stuff so our lawyers are happy with us. While a majority of our beloved cast are around the 13 YEAR OLD marker, {or 6 SWEEPS OLD in the case of the TROLLS}, WP has taken the liberty to adjust the UNITS ages to a more appropriate and less creepy 21 years {10 SWEEPS}. This is in part due to unfortunate implications and situations that may arise with users interacting with our units, who would have been underaged individuals. Also in part because it is really sketchy when you unbox a literal teenager from our shipping. It’s weird enough doing it to an adult, a kid makes it even more squiwcky. Don’t fret and wail at the thought of your problematic fav no longer being exactly how you envisioned them (they probably don’t as they are anyway), their personalities are unchanged and this age change has been done with both you and the unit’s favor in mind. It also allows the unit to have more freedom in their new life with you, such as driving a car, getting a job, going to Nickel Shot Night, ect. Oh yeah, your UNIT is totally capable of getting a job {Keeping it is another story…} if they so desire and can greatly assist you in the running of your household, but we nor you run slave labor so don’t be an ass. We’ll list out some possibilities for each in case you and your new chum decide to flip through the classifieds or troll around some sites one day.  
And since every single one of those damn shippers want to know, yes your UNIT has fully anatomical parts associated with their species and gender and NO we here at WP are not going to describe the intricacies of TROLL genitalia for you. What’s in their pants is their own business {unless they want to show you}. The normal rules of society still apply: no non-con touching, no groping, and no otherwise inappropriate touching or actions without their explicit consent. {Good luck trying to use coercion on any of them anyway, you HAVE read the webcomic right? These guys can get violent fast and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself}. However, romance waits for neither man nor troll and our UNITS are fully capable of developing feelings for others, whether it’s another UNIT, the people around them, and even you. {Another reason for the age up too}. They can be romanced if you so desire but we recommend that you wait on this until they learn the whole “You’re fictional constructs from a webcomic given life, blah blah blah” since that can be a breach of trust and lead to relationship issues galore {Jeez Emma this is getting boring can’t we skip to the good stuff? I’m sure the readers are thinking the same thing}.  
Good news folks, we’re just about done with all this legal asscovering according to Emma {and for once those were her words not mine!} and we’ll be right on the road shortly! Just remember:   
We here at WHAT PUMPKIN are not responsible for any BLOODSHED, MAIMING, MUTILATION, SICK FIRES, CHAOS, and/or SHENANIGANS that may occur with the purchase of our products! As the user of our amazing service, you’re responsible for the CARE, WELLBEING, and SAFETY of your UNIT and any failure to properly tend to them will lead to UNFORTUNATE IMPLICATIONS and even REMOVAL of your UNIT. Any and all DAMAGE that may occur to your, your property, and others will likewise be attributed to you. Now, onto the good shit! Take it away Emma!

 **Unit Information**  
Unit Name: Karkat Vantas  
Additionally Answers To: Honestly, Karkat will respond to most nicknames with copious amounts of sarcasm, disdam, and colorful cursing, though he clearly puts up with it around his friends so get in his good graces and you’ll be permitted that luxury as well. These can include: Karkitty, Karkitten, KitKat, KK, Cherry Bomb, Karkles, Shouty, Crabcatch, Karcrab, nubbyshouts, nubs, and so, so much more.   
Species: Troll {The first of many. It suddenly comes to me that I will soon grow incredibly bored with this component as I was previously. Shit.}  
Blood Hue: Mutant candy red {We’ve created a whole new subsection in this information section, specially made for the trolls. See below in Blood Hue}  
Classpect: Knight of Blood {As per the norm, get a gander of this choice title below in the Classpect section or by skimming through the handy dandy HOMESTUCK wiki.}  
Age: 10 sweeps/ 21 years old {We rounded the sweeps up just for the helluva it. And yes, I KNOW Karkat's a Gemini instead of a Cancer with this date, don't expect the other TROLLS to have matching zodiac signs to those on their shirts. How predictable would that be?}  
Date of Birth/Hatching: June 12th {We have translated all Alternian dates to correspond with the Earth calender for simplicity’s sake and abstained from listing a year on this info sheet. We’ve included stuff in the official documents sent along of course, but we’ve got more important things to discuss in the info section than what arbitrary year we’ve listed for the trolls.}  
Trolltag:  carcinoGenecist 

**Your Unit comes with the following**  
One set of casual clothes {Hemo anonymous grey colored symbol and all, he’s not quite ready to be loud and proud of that hue just yet. Further explained in both Unit Setting and Blood Hue.}  
One set of Prospit pajamas {Even if his dreamself only had a short time awake before being brutally stabbed by BEC NOIR, thought we’d throw in a freebie for clothes options since most trolls, especially Karkat, aren’t big on attire varieties.}  
One purple and green smartgrub {Hope you get used to the weird, squishy grub-related technology of TROLLS. Thankfully, they can still be plugged into the standard American outlets and adaptors can be used when out of country.}  
One purple husktop {Creepy crab legs included. It’s freaky how crabs are just the ocean version of spiders, and how both Cancer and Scorpio are water signs, wouldn’t you say-Alright alright, I’ll stop rambling.}  
One wrist-mounted crab walkie-talkie {Holographic speaker option is included!}  
One sickle   
One Homes Smell Ya Later {A stealth pun if ever I saw one, as well as blatant reference to The Fresh/Thresh Prince of Bel Air. Would Will Smith be a Prince class?}  
One Regisickle  
A copt of ~ATH - A Handbook for the Imminently Deceased {Just the version that details in the insufferable programming language that is ATH, not the copy that was used to create DOC SCRATCH and turned into a scrapbook filled with many heartwarming and gut wretching moments of HOMESTUCK.}  
Several of the most iconic of Alternian romance novels, in their native tongue or font as it were {No Emma, we are not going to write down the entirety of that long-winded title. Just know that its the same book ROSE LALONDE yoinked away from Karkat at one point. It’s one of the continuities between the GAMEOVER and RETCON timelines, though the background for each situation differs. Less of a lecture towards DAVE STRIDER in the latter, mostly a book critique between a snarky broad and a shouty friendleader. Still ended with book snatching and never getting it back, Rose is the book thief.}  
The complete collection of the ALTERNIAN version of The Thresh Prince of Bel Air {Goes without saying that Troll Will Smith is Karkat’s hero. Human Will Smith is a new, tentative love, though he can never replace the OG Karkat is most familiar with.}

 **Unit Settings**  
Cranky (Default)  
Self Loathing (Default)  
Caring (Default)  
Furious  
Dorky  
Traumatized (Locked)  
Happy (Locked)

There’s a reason why Karkat’s so heavily associated with crabs, besides it being the symbol for the Cancer zodiac, cause this dude is crabby and CRANKY. It’s typically his default for a variety of reasons: being frustrated by the idiocy of those around him, everyday events being annoying, a general irritable demeanor, insomnia, and other personal vendettas and issues to fill a grocery list of complaints and irritations. He typically has a surly look on his face, bags so heavy it’s a wonder that some airport smuck doesn’t try to charge him extra, and a prickly attitude that would make even a porcupine wince at the sharpness of his attitude. Certainly makes it entertaining to listen to his rambling soliloquies of eloquent curse words that would make a sailor blush cherry red and cause English majors to marvel at his creativity. Even if you become friends with him, don’t expect this to go away, but people aren’t perfect and should be liked flaws and all and KK is no different. Once you’re at a good friend tier with Karkat, you’ll no doubt be used to his orney ways and sarcastic comments. **WARNING:** If you’re a soft person with a complete lack of spine, you should probably not get this particular UNIT unless you’re a masochist cause he’s not gonna hold himself back just cause you’ve got the backbone of a chocolate eclair.  
And you thought DIRK STRIDER has a bad case of SELF LOATHING. Watch out folks cause Karkat’s got a shit ton of baggage to unload that it’s causing the trauma train to groan under its weight. Boy’s suffered a lot, both on his home planet of ALTERNIA and the events of SGRUB, even before adding the additional trauma following the failure of their session. No one hates Karkat more than himself, and he will make it very obvious his distaste of his miserable failures, ripping into himself about being responsible for the deaths of his friends and causing the birth of a cancerous new universe {This ain’t the time or place to go into that, check out the webcomic or wiki if you want to enjoy the schadenfreude that is Karkat’s existence.} Lets just say our KNIGHT OF BLOOD has a lot of issues and regrets weighing heavily on his conscious. **WARNING:** None of this shit is healthy and will lead to detrimental things in the future. Mark our words. As such, it’s up to you to convince the crab to stop blaming himself about every little detail. Acknowledging failure is important but trying to drag Atlas’s burden of the world on his shoulders alone is going to burn Karkat out and break him utterly. Having him talk to KANAYA MARYAM or DAVE STRIDER are potential ways to help encourage him to find a healthier way of dealing with things and even just you listening cat help. But professional help is always the best. Sign Beep Beep Meow up for a therapist {Once you can come up with a potential disguise or find a super chill person} and begin the long, slow but vital journey to forgiveness. He’s earned it.  
Despite all that prickly attitude, snarky responses, and unusually eloquent cursing, Karkat’s got an ooey gooey center deep down and is very CARING for those around him, especially his friends. He will often try to mask his concern for others with further sarcasm and eyerolls, but he’s always got to keep an eye out for others. It’s partially why he’s such an excellent FRIENDLEADER, despite his fears of failure and personal doubts. He may not always have a handle on things, but he tries his best to keep hold of things and trying to help others with their problems. Don’t be surprised if he tries to insert himself in your romance life, attempting to help in one of the ways he knows how, or generally assisting around the house.   
You might be asking right now, hey Karkat, how come Hussie lets you have both CRANKY and FURIOUS settings? Because fuck you that’s why. Actually, it’s because that, while they may appear to be the same mode, CRANKY mainly focuses on a sarcastic, frustrated and tired personality, but FURIOUS is when Karkat lets loose that tumultuous anger out the bag. Miles of red hot hate pouring out of his mouth it’s enough to encircle and smother the earth with its fury. He can switch from either one at a drop of a hat, but FURIOUS is often accompanied by Karkat being So Done with your bullshit or recent events he lets the kid blast clear off the pressure cooker to roast you. Expect even higher volumes than normal, exaggerated hand and arm movements, and Karkat in a desperate need for something soothing for his vocal cords when all is said and done. Might not be healthy for him to blow up so much, but letting that shit simmer can make things even worse so be cautious and try to find a healthier outlet for him, like death metal karaoke. With all the screaming he does on a regular basis, this shouldn’t be too hard for him to adjust to.  
Despite his insistence that he’s a dangerous troll and abhors silliness, Karkat’s got quite a DORKY side to him. He has a tendency of doing silly stuff, such as climbing into a recuprocoon fully dressed or prancing around with his sickle, pretending to practice. While he tends to put on his game face a lot and is very competent in battle, he can still get roped into childish things such as phallus shaped hopscotch and movie marathons in pjs. Especially is it’s Will Smith or romcon related. And this is a huge competent of his DORKY side, his love and fascination with watching some of the most predictable, ridiculously plotted romantic comedies that would make a normal person roll their eyes at but he’ll devour it like a hungry dog on a sirloin steak. Best get comfy if he starts analyzing the various characters and their relationship dynamics, whether it involves humans, trolls, or a mixture of them and also prep some tissues if he ropes you into watching. He’ll be sniffling all over the place, rapidly dabbing at crimson tinted tears before they can roll down his cheeks. Don’t be surprised if you catch him devouring harlequin romance novels and other trashy literature. Him engaging in his DORKY moments with you shows how comfortable he is and will usher in a new level of friendship.   
Okay, time for the weight stuff, readers. Anyone not interested in going up a weight level should shut this manual right now and contact us for a return of your UNIT. Well not that, your money’s as good as spent on employee salaries and new equipment {Especially the new sprinkler system after Hal fucked with it.} Regardless, this is some pretty deep shit to wade through, be prepared to be entrenched in the bitch known as Karkat’s TRAUMATIZED mode. Now it’s safe to say there’s plenty of HOMESTUCK characters who have suffered in the long run of their existence, prior to and during their game session, but Karkat takes the damned cake here. Boys been hiding a lot about himself since ALTERNIA, especially his blood color which would earn him an instant death whether he was found out by neighbors, potential friends, strangers, and especially the drones buzzing around the planet. He’s spent his life terrified of people finding out and may or may not have had to silence a few souls who learned the truth {We neither confirm nor deny.} While all his friends and humans are aware of his status as a mutant blooded troll, there’s still a lot he’s nervous about and it takes years to get over the kind of mentality a life of hiding and being shit hives maggots scared for your existence. Karkat additionally feels responsible for various accidents, incidents, and horrible events that befell his friends and planet. From activating and beginning the very doom of his planet despite warnings, to being unable to stop the murderous rampages on the meteor by no less than three trolls he considered friends {Even witnessing two deaths and brutal beat down and blinding of a third person first hand, the attacker leaving him unharmed} Karkat’s got a lot to feel guilty about. All this has influenced his SELF LOATHING in addition to his TRAUMATIZED state, where he’s forced to relieve some of the unfortunate memories and overthinking his role in how things played out. Be on the look our for silence from our normally noisy crab, distantly gazing away or avoiding friends, especially those he feels responsible for failing. **WARNING:** Back on the unhealthy bullshit again. especially when combined with Karkat’s Herculean levels of SELF LOATHING. Having a sit down talk with Karkat is vital, even if he refuses to hear reason or ignoring your comments that he deserves to be happy. Professional help is heavily encouraged, medication may be nit picky and tricky to figure out but talking to a therapist is a definite must. Get some of his friends together, KANAYA MARYAM, TEREZI PYROPE, JADE HARLEY, and DAVE STRIDER are some of the best to try and talk sense to him or even just listen to his grievances. SOLLUX CAPTOR is another possibility, but given the guilt Karkat feels over him as well, play it by ear. All in all, show the Karcrab he is appreciated and loved.  
Alright I’m prepared for the pitchforks and torches of raging fans storming HQ. Prep your game face Emma and start typing. You’re all questioning, Hussie why can you not let Karkat be HAPPY? Why is his HAPPY setting locked like a chastity belt whose key has fucked off to be smelted in a volcano? I will answer with another question: Did you fucking READ my webcomic? So much misery and bullshit has happened to this dude and after ages of Alternian propaganda seeming his very existence a crime being forced down his throat, he doesn’t THINK he can be HAPPY, let alone deserve it. Especially after shit went down in his session of SGRUB and on the meteor. Now, thankfully, Karkat is in a less dark time than then and has been making better strides to a healthy life {Thanks to a certain other UNIT whose identity I’ll refrain from stating but the previous sentence has alluded towards.} He’s still got his rough days and it’s rare he will allow himself to crack more than a sarcastic smirk, so it’s up to you and any other UNITS you may have or plan to get to remind him that he deserves to be HAPPY. Get involved watching romcoms with him, befriend him, and do your best to be a good chum, your other UNITS will no doubt help, especially JOHN EGBERT, JADE HARLEY, TEREZI PYROPE, and KANAYA MARYAM. And yes, ESPECIALLY DAVE STRIDER. WARNING: As Karkat is obviously depressed and traumatized by his experiences, to ensure that he can relax and truly enjoy life, it’s highly recommended he seek professional help. Speaking to a licensed therapist can certainly help, as can some prescription medications though we do express caution here due to uncertainty concerning TROLL biology and human medicine. We can keep you in the loop with further information when we acquire it.

 **Blood Hue**  
Welcome to the latest portion of our manual, focusing on how different blood colors affect the abilities and even personalities of various trolls {Can also affect health at times, usually with how sturdy some of the colder folks are, but we’ll discuss that as we go.} And of course we start off with a doozy with Karkat. Now Karkat is the only current TROLL UNIT currently on the market with MUTANT RED blood, the same hue as our own human color, a fact that has in the past filled him with great loathing and fear. Lower than the low of ALTERNIA, he’s got major complexes {Touched upon in the UNIT SETTINGS portion above} so be wary at times to not upset him too much, though the fact you, as a human, share the same blood means you should get along decently.   
While it’s known that the hue of blood affects the lifespan of trolls, it’s uncertain just how long Karkat’s normal lifespan would be. Where he a normal hued troll, he’d most likely be aligned with the eradicated caste of LIMEBLOODS, but our rough estimates and knowledge on his ANCESTOR, THE SIGNLESS, suggest Karkat will live a typical human lifespan of 70-80 years or so {This does not factor in potential GODTIERING or the use of combined TIME and/or LIFE powers to influence his lifespan.}  
Like many other warm blooded TROLLS, Karkat is susceptible to both telepathic manipulation and the infamous chucklevoodoos. He cannot easily fight off the power of VRISKA SERKET, would definitely have his mind read by her, and his trauma would make him an easy target to purple influence. He does not have any additional powers common to the warm ranks, likely due to his MUTANT status, but he does surprisingly have quite the effect on people, able to befriend and make allies with a variety of individuals across the hemospectrum. This could be a potential influence of either his untapped potential as a KNIGHT OF BLOOD {See below} or dormant abilities from a possible LIMEBLOOD inheritance {Idk man, our nerds, writers, and conspiracy theorists at WP are good but there’s a lot still to figure out with TROLLS. }

 **Classpect**  
Alright, as I said last time with DIRK STRIDER, I’m just letting Emma bullshit her way through the TROLLS UNITS CLASSPECT section rather than me narrating it since I’ve gotten as jaded about it as my own personal Zodiac would imply {Cause I’m a Virgo, get it?} Anyway, I’m gonna kick back, relax, and munch on a Toblerone as Emma types away. Maybe catch a few Z’s. Take it away girl.   
_Guess that’s my cue! Well, we’ve touched upon classpecting many times before, both in the HOMESTUCK webcomic and various other manuals, but legality means I’m the one who has to be repetitive now. Classpecting is the combination of a player’s class and aspect, which are the title denoting their role in the game that pushes them to self improvement and details the ways they can use their aspect, the properties associated with one of twelve properties that make up the frame work of SBURB/SGRUB. Knights are not just fantasy figures from your favorite fairytales_ {Getting alliterative are we?} _I was under the impression I would be handling this section, free of hecklers. Anyway, Knights roles are focused on using their aspect in order to protect those around them or generally using them to assist others. Blood refers to not just the sanguine liquid but also the bonds and relationships that connect people, as well as stability helping to keep the player in reality._  
 _As such, Karkat’s role as the KNIGHT OF BLOOD means he will defend others with or through Blood, using relationships and bonds to tie people together and use them as a way to protect people. Knights are often self sacrificial for others and Karkat is no exception, risking himself often for others and even avoiding personal relationships at times in order to keep others safe from harm {Check out Karkat’s bad end route in PESTERQUEST to get a taste for this.} You may also notice him unconsciously using some of these abilities connected to his title or simply rallying people together, despite their differences, for a common cause._  
 _While Karkat is not a true GODTIER individual, he still has the potential to unlock it {If we can ever figure out how to materialize the various SACRIFICIAL SLABS and what not to activate this possibility} should there ever be a time he’d desire that sweet conditional immortality and comfy pjs. Granted, the way to unlocking it won’t be pleasant and will need to have a heavy discussion prior to a decision being made and we at WHAT PUMPKIN warn that suicide is never the right correction option, but should there ever be a life threatening moment for Karkat, it’s good to have a backup system should you not have a LIFE player handy._  
 _Alright, that just about sums everything up here, let’s let the Huss take the helm again._

 **Potential Jobs**  
Ah, back in the director’s chair, lecturing the plot of this manual for your viewing pleasure and knowledge. You can’t see it, but Emma’s giving me the “hurry up you idiotic boss or I’ll use my newfound sweet willies on AR to get you to do it” look so I’ll get to it. All UNITS are capable of getting a job though it’s up to them to apply themselves enough to it and keep it, so we’re including a list of various occupations Karkat would be interested in.  
 _Movie critic  
_ Now this one makes more sense than JAKE ENGLISH doing it. Karkat’s always ready to criticize something or someone, so he may as well be paid for his opinions. His snarky attitude and attention for detail means he’ll give readers an entertaining piece of his mind about plot points, characterization, and frustration at twists and turns. It may take a while for him to be reputable, but with his creativity with language and insults as well as his insight, he’s going to go far indeed.  
 _Romance writer_  
It’s no secret Karkat’s got a passion for romantic narratives and is always interested in the relationships of others. Just get him to tap into his inner Jane Austen to pen the latest masterpiece in romance literature. He’s definitely more comfortable with the various aspects of troll romance, but his familiarity and personal experience with humankind’s limited spectrum of Amir options means he’ll have plenty of writing {And shipping} fuel. Let him get that keyboard tapping, words flowing, and writer’s block slain by the combined efforts of determination and coffee fueled insomnia, and he’ll be ranking in the royalties for sure.  
 _Body guard_  
Put that threscutioner training to use and pimp Karkat out as protection detail for people! He’s got nerves of steel and a desire to protect people, so this would be a pretty good fit for him. He’s not the most physically imposing sure, but he’s got an impressive muscle underneath those sweaters and put him in an appropriate outfit for the position, he’ll be intimidating as heck. His tongue is another good detriment to those who’d dare harass his client, though it could put him on edge with the people who hire him as well. However, he makes friends fast, much to his professed annoyance but we know otherwise, and will quickly build rapport and connections with his client, which can offer even more doors for him.

 **Unlocking Your Unit**  
 **WARNING:** Karkat has a tendency to lash out, verbally and physically, when suddenly approached so we heavily recommend giving yourself some distance from his box when you try to wake the fair knight from his slumber. He WILL regret any physical harm to you {Unless you prove yourself to be a douche to him} so it’s in both of your best interests to avoid anything too dangerous off the bat. Hence why it's best you check out these options in order to avoid a sickle in your arm and a sobbing, panicking troll.  
 **Option One**  
Rap the lyrics to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air opening. While the Alternian version of this classic is obviously different {I think it contains stuff like “In the wilds of Alternia, hatched and raised” and “Superiority to the Empress”, damn propaganda} the song still has the same beat and rhyme to it and will still have a nostalgic quality to Karkat that will cause him to wake up. He will then become incensed to hear you incorrectly {To him} singing the lyrics and emerge to school you in the proper way to begin the song. Use this as the chance to introduce yourself to your soon to be victim of the pandemic known as friendship.   
**Option Two**  
Either loudly declare Earth romcoms and similar media to be more superior to the Alternia brand or suggest a compare-contrast between the two planets’ version of the same movie, so as to analyze how cultural influence and differing romance concepts can affect the plot and characterization in the film. The first will have Karkat slashing and hacking his way out of the box and abandoning the destroyed pieces of cardboard scattered about to scream in your face about how wrong you are and escalating into a serious argument/debate between you both. The latter will also end in him slicing the box, but much neater this time and retrieving his husktop to find some of his favorite movies to compare with your collection to find ones that match before settling in for a marathon of romance movies with hushed debates and comparisons exchanged. Both of them can have a positive effect on your future relationship with him, surprisingly, at least if you can be a good arguer with him in the first choice and even bring up some good points to him. We won’t tell you what those good points are, cause we’re assholes and its funnier to watch you flail about like a toddler jamming brightly colored wooden shapes into the wrong shaped holes, desperately believing that by mashing them harder into them you can morph their form and be done with it.   
**Option Three**  
Express a deep interest into deciphering the complex web of emotions and relationships that is the TROLL quadrant system. That’ll get him popping out of the box like the world’s first Troll in the Box with a fierceness in his eyes and proceed to school your ass in the subject. Prepare yourself for a full blown lecture complete with definitions, examples, and even a hastily thrown together PowerPoint. He may end up using some Earth media to try and explain some of the more nuance stuff, even attempting to apply different quadrants or applying their characteristics to them as a way to better get it through your dense skull. You may end up learning something and even enjoying it, but if I know Karkat like I do, when he gets frustrated with you he’ll force you to listen to him explain all the troll romance exposition segments all over again, BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK. It’s as frustrating and annoying as the first time I used that gag.

 **Relationships with other Units**  
We’ve decided to be nice and create a subsection with the relationships section, dividing it between humans and trolls, just so it’s easier for you to flip through this stuff. We shall be sending out revised editions of past manuals as they are updated to include these changes. Now, enough of me going over legalities, onto the fun part! Despite his grouchy personality, Karkat is quite the people's troll, managing to start relationships with some unusual folks, even managing to get along with a genocidal sea dweller prior to entering the game. Unfortunately, some of these relationships have soured a bit and may need some assistance improving, so we're including our thoughts on said friendships and their dynamic.

 _Humans  
_ **John Egbert**  
Karkat and John did not get off to the best of starts, with Karkat falling pitch first for the Windy Boy after watching some of his childhood antics through a computer screen combined with the incorrect thought that the kids were responsible for the TROLLS session failure. However, the far off in the future John that Karkat initially started talking to made it clear that, by his time, they were already good friends and led to Karkat noping the fuck off the handle and proceeded to troll John backwards to his timeline, thus making John’s comment become a self-fulfilling prophecy, whilst abandoning his hate crush. Karkat became less antagonistic towards him and has apologized for all the negative things said towards the human. Karkat finds John annoying and frustrating a lot, often getting the brunt of john’s PRANKSTERS GAMBIT, but they get along well and Karkat respects John’s strength and leadership. They share a similar interest in dorky movies, though Karkat still gags at the Nic Cage face {And really, who can blame him? It’s an acquired taste.} If/When you get a John UNIT, or if you already have him when your Karkat arrives, expect a very loud, enthusiastic reunion between them both.   
**Rose Lalonde**  
Thanks to spending a whole three years on a meteor hurtling to a new universe in order to escape the Scratching of the previous one {Nope, no spoilers, if you aren’t familiar with this, go read it yourself. If you know the webcomic, this should be a refresher enough for you.} Karkat and Rose are actually on good terms. Now, while we can’t explain all the details that went on during that time frame {Cause honestly I don’t know, just some key points that the presence of a certain Cerulean chick had and the focus was not on the relationship with these two kids} we can guarantee that they’re on a good enough start that, when they meet up again should you ever get both UNITS, they’ll have a cordial reunion and catch up on things. Their shared love of literature means they’ll have plenty of things to discuss and Rose is pretty fascinated by TROLL ROMANCE so it gives Karkat a chance to excel in a field he enjoys and loves to explain. It’s possible that Karkat has some concerned about her previous alcoholism and will offer help should she be suffering withdrawal. He can be made uncomfortable by Rose, particularly when she starts prying into things he’d prefer to be kept private, particularly his own romance life, as well as her tendencies towards dark subjects, he nevertheless respects her and will offer her support throughout their friendship.   
**Dave Strider**  
Now, I know this is the relationship you guys have been waiting for, the grubloaf and mashed tubers for the meal of this Relationships section. Initially, things did not get off too a rip roaring start, as Karkat refrained from contact Dave too much beyond a convo about prohibited sloppy interspecies makeouts {Failed on that one bro.} Luckily, things greatly improved during the three year meteor trip these two were stuck on, partially because they were no longer in a rivalry over TEREZI PYROPE, and spent a good time of the journey bonding, hanging out, and just plain out goofing off, having a chance to just be teenagers despite their traumas and then current state events. They are pretty chill with another, Karkat even calmer now than his pre-meteor state although he still can fly off the handle, and its possibly due to Dave’s influence. Karkat has expressed a great deal of concern for Dave as well, even stating  “I HOPE HE'S OKAY”  prior to the final battle. Once they’re reunited, it’s going to be full of playful shenanigans and amusing conversations from an outsider’s perspective. As for potential romance...I am the weatherman, it is me, and I’m calling for a high chance of Davekat rocking our meteorologist tech. Plenty of other UNITS previously noted some chemistry between the pair, including VRISKA SERKET and even JOHN EGBERT {And if he’s noticing stuff, then it has to be super obvious}, although nothing was entirely confirmed {Save from me, that shit’s realer than Craft Mayo.} Of course, this is only under the right conditions and with them hashing things out all the way, Karkat coming to terms with his personal inadequacies and quadrant confusion when it comes to Dave {Karkles has a tendency to smear quadrants like a toddler smears their paint stained hands all over the walls, dripping hues and colors into an imperfect masterpiece.} Still, romantic drama aside, these two are incredibly tight friends and will spend a good deal of their time hanging out and catching up after their separation.  
 **Jade Harley**  
Things did not start off well between these two, with Karkat and his fellow TROLLS literally trolling Jade and him blaming the KIDS session for the failure in their own. Time shenanigans didn’t help either, with future Karkat trying to make apologies towards a suspicious and skeptical Jade while his past/current self hadn’t reached that level yet either. Luckily, after a little blow up from our normally plucky cheerful girl, things began to improve for them and he began to serve as a patron troll to her and helping guide her actions. Karkat even made one of her most iconic insults to him a password to his hive in the dreambubbles, mentioning it became a bit of an inside joke to him about a friend of his. Once these two meet up again, don’t be surprised to overhear a lot of excited shouting and cursing between the pair of them and getting right back down to friendship. Expect lots of movie marathons over nostalgia shows and romcoms, snarking between the both of them, and just general good bonding and hangouts.   
**Jane Crocker**  
Alright, this section and down for the KIDS UNITS are gonna be full out theorizing going on, due to limited canonical interactions and some of them in the GAMEOVER timeline that are no longer applicable for this series {Unless further UNITS succumb to memories being carried over between timelines. Still a thing and Luis is on yet another conspiracy theory board about the potential reasons for this outside TIME, LIGHT, and/or SEER power shenanigans. We’re working on it.} Now, Karkat’s only been able to “interact” {And we’re using the word loosely here due to a lack of consciousness from one party} with a CROCKERTIER, VRISKA SERKET KO-ed Jane and thus didn’t have much of a chance to chat and hang out {Probably better it didn’t go down the GAMEOVER route with a massive fork to the chest and LIFE revival.} Despite this lack of bare bones, Karkat and Jane, once properly introduced and start settling into their lives free of game manipulation and immense pressure, should naturally bond and become friends. Jane’s similarities to JOHN EGBERT will both endear her to and annoy Karkat and will spark of a bickering friendship, still filled with sincerity and pranks from our gutsy gumshoe, and her fondness for baking will certainly endear Karkat to her as well.   
**Jake English**  
While these two did meet during the strategy meeting for the RETCON timeline, there wasn’t much interaction between them due to Jake’s nerves. Karkat didn’t hold much of an opinion on him at the time, but they did work together to take down the Felt together, Jake handling the bulk of the fighting force while Karkat had the pivotal responsibility of handling luckster Clover. You know what they say about shared battling experience, they build rapport and friendship. Upon reuniting with one another, they’ll actually manage a good exchange of pleasantries and introductions, possibly reminiscing over their brief exploits together. After this, Jake’s dorky, goofball nature will probably remind Karkat of some of his own friends and help to establish a connection. Movies are a huge staple in most of our suggestions on how to deepen relationships, and this is no different. Jake has a passion for all films, good and bad, and will be more than happy to join Karkat in a romcom marathon, so long as he can add some action flicks to the lineup, and may shed a few tender tears along with his new alien bud over the more heart wrenching scenes. Don’t be surprised to have Karkat listening to Jake’s woes and previous relationship blunders, leading to some tough love criticisms but firm encouragements to get his shit together after he takes time to figure himself out. Ultimately, it will be a healthy friendship with Karkat possibly learning to tone down himself at times so as to not startle the easily spooked English, while also becoming a confidant towards him as well.   
**Roxy Lalonde**  
There was not much interaction between the pair, mostly since Roxy was alternating her attention between ROSE LALONDE and DAVE STRIDER while Karkat gave her some distance to focus on her newfound ecto-relatives. Still, we’re giving the WHAT PUMPKIN guarantee that they’ll soon become best of buds. Their shared love of gossip and friends, as well as their experience as the leaders of their sessions {Whether declared or unofficial} will give them lots to chat about and bond over. Karkat will no doubt be a bit endeared towards her given her friendly personality and similar humor to DAVE STRIDER and Roxy will probably find his snarkiness and dry wit hilarious. He’ll have to put up with her nicknaming tendencies but will adapt easily no doubt, given who he normally hangs out with. We’re positive of lots of fun filled hours between these two, once they click, and you’ll be reaping those sweet, sweet friendship rewards as well.   
**Dirk Strider**  
Absolutely no canon interaction between these two, we are going into uncharted territory with only my voice, Emma’s writing, and the combined theories and extrapolation of the two of us to guide you readers through these treacherous waters. Don your life vests and prepare for adventure. Karkat may feel some apprehension towards meeting Dirk, not only because of usual nerves of meeting someone new, but also because of DAVE STRIDER. Given how close these two are, it wouldn’t be surprising if Karkat were to learn about the disastrous childhood DAVE STRIDER had under his BRO. While Karkat is very much aware that Dirk is not his counterpart, there is likely still some apprehension. But once things become more relaxed and chatting actually begins to happen, possibly helped by DAVE STRIDER vouching for Dirk, Karkat will look past all this and make a new assertion on Dirk: He’s a robot obsessed, weeb with just as huge a hard on for irony and ridiculous shades as his fellow Strider. Certainly a step up in Karkat’s books and far more familiar territory with all the friends and experience he’s already had. Given his familiarity with another Strider, Karkat will quickly adjust to having Dirk around and start up a snark fest galore, which will certainly earn him a thumbs up of approval from dear old Dirky. There’s also the potential to bond over collaborating on a potential writing project {If they write something, seriously, send that shit straight to us. We have got to see the combined efforts of the Pony Pals psychological thriller editor and our romance guru, I can already image the cluster fuck already and it’s glorious.} From here it’s all turtles down of friendship stairs {We’re warning you now dog. We’re warning you about the stairs.}

 _Trolls  
_ **Aradia Megido**  
While there is little canon interaction between these two prior to Aradia’s murder and sequential role as an unseen ghost, Karkat and she did have some contact through their mutual acquiantances and he was aware of her previous deceased status, finding her to be even spookier than before and not wanting to talk to her. Even after her possession of a robot body, he get disconnected with her, especially with her proclaimed emotionlessness and disinterest so long as the timeline progressed as it should. Nevertheless, he expressed concern for her and stated “IF WE WEREN'T ALL ABOUT TO DIE, I’D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE.”  Now that’s she’s alive again as a GODTIER MAID OF TIME, he doesn’t have as many concerns about her and is more than a little relieved she’s back, though is still creeped out by her at times. As for our theorizing about these two coming into contact once more, eh, just picture their conversation on the meteor before she and SOLLUX CAPTOR fucked off into the MEDIUM, just without the corpse party. Lots of frustration from KK, delightful grins and giggles from her, and potentially some apologizing from him being a shitty leader {With her shushing him in return.} While not the best of friends, these two will be perfectly comfortable living together, respecting each other's boundaries and having amicable enough conversations {Though Karkat will lose his shit when it enters October and Aradia starts channeling the spooky season nonstop.}  
 **Tavros Nitram**  
Now, the relationship between these two isn’t something that one would call close. In fact, Karkat doesn’t have a high opinion towards Tavros, mostly due to horrible Alternian standards and emphasis on a violent nature, and Tavros...Well, he’s the furthest thing from that ideal. Despite this, Karkat is always ready to give Tavros advice, whether it involves romance or even Tavros’s constant struggle with self esteem {Doesn’t mean it always works, but KK is trying and Tavros keeps coming back like a puppy trailing after a grump, but kind person who dishes out the grub.} It’s highly likely that Karkat actually holds some guilt over Tavros, not about his death at the hands of VRISKA SERKET, but rather the events following his analyzation by those same Spider 8itch hands. Karkat was the one who received the initial plea for help and turned him away, believing it was roleplay bullshit, and adding for him to  “STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS”  before logging off. However, this comment can be read as Karkat cautioning him against playing FLARP, aka Fatal Live Action Role Play, and the fact that, while trolls are violent by nature, its the girl members of this squad that tend to be the most violent {Go ahead, try and argue with me. The entirety of the revenge tango going on prior to the game entirely involved girls who were pissed/involved with Tavros’ injury, kinda like he was the fair maiden whose honor was being defended by brutal knights-Right ramble over, Emma.} With all this in mind, it’s fairly safe to say that once these two are reunited, it will be a bit awkward, filled with snarky and stuttering, but they’ll be pretty chill with one another for the most part.   
**Sollux Captor**  
Ah now here’s the fun part, where a lot of your readers are no doubt foaming at the mouth to get a thorough analysis of the dynamic between these two sarcastic assholes. And we aim to please here, so lean back and let us entertain you with our dissection of this relationship. Now, these two are such a clusterfuck normally just by themselves and this only strengthens when they’re together. They’re constantly snarking at each other, acting immature, yet they can be calmed down by the other as well and even later apologizing to one another. Karkat will spend one minute screaming at Sollux, insulting everything from his coding to his sense in fashion, and then the next being a comforting presence, trying to make him feel better. He expresses concern for Sollux wellbeing, from everything from mental health to having a stable food and sleep schedule and worries that he might be overstepping his boundaries when it comes to Sollux, showing how much he cares about their relationship. Karkat even calls Sollux his best friend multiple times, although Sollux has never return the sentiment, though the feeling is no doubt mutual. Once reunited, we hope you get used to constant arguments, shouting matches, and tons of snark between the pair, although there will be plenty of quieter moments where they manage to be positive towards one another. True friendship is where you can call your friend affectionate curse words but be ready to throw down for them {And that’s pretty much the Solkat dynamic.}  
 **Nepeta Leijon**  
These two are such a fun pair to discuss and possess a healthy friendship between them both. They hold mutual respect for one another and get along pretty well, sharing their mutual passion for romance and shipping. Karkat is aware of Nepeta’s crush on him, but he’s never spoken to her about it and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. He even comments that her moirail was being too protective of her to prohibit her from hanging out with her friends {Though FLARP has that name for a reason and EQUIUS ZAHHAK had reasons to be concerned.} When/if you get Nepeta, there might be some residual guilt from Karkat concerning her death and that of her moirail at the hands of GAMZEE MAKARA. He probably will try and apologize for his role, although she won’t hold anything against him. Once Karkat comes to terms with things, they’ll start to reconnect and spend a great deal of time talking romance, particularly those in media and those around them, especially if you have other UNITS in your home. There might have to be a talk of feelings between them, but these two cool cats are going to be as tight as usual.   
**Kanaya Maryam**  
Now here’s a relationship that never goes stale! Kanaya and Karkat have always been pretty tight, Karkat acting a lot less crabby when spending time with her and expressing that she’s one of her good friends. He trusts her highly, even opening about personal concerns and issues that he’d normally keep bottled up. They spent a good amount of time together during the game, with Karkat assisting Kanaya in her frog breeding duties. Their bond only deepened during their meteor trips, as the GAMEOVER timeline never occurred and they never grew apart, with Karkat being more open with her than just about anyone else. These two are willing to risk their lives for one another, showing just how deep a bond they have towards one another. They’ll be very delighted to reunite once you get both UNITS and quickly catch up with one another, easily falling back into their usual motions and antics. Don’t be surprised if you happen to walk in on them camped out a pile of assorted items, getting a bit flustered once they catch sight of you and quickly edge away from each other. Just the normal shyness when a pale couple gets discovered mid-pap on the pile.  
 **Terezi Pyrope**  
Time to uncork the bottle that is the Karezi and deal with the outpouring of emotions and potential theories about their future dynamic. They’ve always been pretty cool with one another, having a friendly bond, Karkat even suggesting a recently culled neighbor’s hive for her to move into prior to the game, while also being critical of her current living situation. She’s the first person to learn about his blood color and didn’t judge him for it, which really relaxed him as a result. There’s been some hints at romance between them in the past, Karkat putting out a tentative <3 in response to her own after she logged off, although Karkat’s incessive flip-flopping didn’t help matters by confusing Terezi. While the potential for a flush romance has been damped a lot due to GAMEOVER Terezi’s instructions for JOHN EGBERT, they’re nevertheless still a close pair of friends who will always have each others backs {And nothing says that it won’t change in the future either. Gotta keep that ship afloat to keep the fans happy.} Once you get Terezi out of her box {Or Karkat out of his, I have no idea which UNIT you’ll get first up} don’t be surprised to hear her crowing in delight, obnoxious slurping/licking sounds, and Karkat’s rage fueled screams. Once the initial chaos dies down, they’ll be quick to resume their friendship, spending time bantering, snarking, and the like, possibly even getting competitive over some board games or video games.   
**Vriska Serket**  
Our crabby boy does NOT have a good relationship with our resident spider 8itch, and it’s honestly for good reason, considering all the bullshit she’s caused and he has no interest in trusting someone who causes such harm without concern for other people. They constantly argue at, snark and belittle one another, Vriska even mind controlling Karkat on occasion when he refuses to talk with her. Its noted that she tends to jokingly black flirt with him at times, no doubt trying to get a rise out of him and much to Karkat’s frustration as he hates her platonically. Even in the RETCON timeline, they still have a negative relationship. We’re not entirely sure if things will necessarily improve should you have both in the same household, that would take a LONG time and, given Vriska’s track records, it may not happen at all. Maybe, and this is a big maybe, if she were willing to mage honest apologizes towards those she’s wronged in the past and making improvements to herself as well. At the very least, try and help them keep things civil so that you don’t end up with housing damage, some UNITS that might be helpful in keeping the peace are KANAYA MARYM and TEREZI PYROPE. We at WHAT PUMPKIN are not responsible for any harm or damages that our UNITS may cause in your home, land, or in public.   
**Equius Zahhak**  
Now, the dynamic between these two isn’t close at all, especially with Karkat’s frustration at Equius’s emphasis on decorum, Alternian standards, and hemospectrum. They constantly clash with one another, although Karkat can easily be made uncomfortable by Equius’s obsession of being bossed about and his other...unusualities. Karkat probably has a fair bit of guilt concerning Equius’s death at the hands of GAMZEE MAKARA, as he was the one who ordered our boy blue into seeking the latter out. Although you should totally expect Karkat to go off on Equius as well, for not putting up resistance about the whole situation, but this shows that he still cares in his own way. While they’ll never be the best of buds, we are hopeful that they will get along decently once certain issues are worked out {There is never a chance of getting Equius to cease in his sweating or oddities concerning the hemospectrum, but perhaps the last bit can be cooled down. No luck on the sex kinks tho.} It’s possible they can bond over literature, despite their different tastes at times, and they do admire one another deep down, Karkat focusing on Equius’s quiet determination and strength. Karkat might not interact with him too much, but if you can help Equius tone down his...tendencies, it’s quite possible these two can grow closer as friends! Though Karkat will never be comfortable with all his sweating, and really, who can?  
 **Gamzee Makara**  
Now this is a whole bag full of crazy cats we’re about to unleash upon you readers. Karkat originally didn’t think highly of Gamzee, believing he was an idiotic clown who constantly frustrated him with his ricidulous statements and actions. Although he did express concern for Gamzee, especially over his addictive sopor consumption and put up with the constant declarations of  “BeSt FrIeNd” , even admitting that he liked the guy well enough. However, following Gamzee murdering two of their other friends after Karkat ordered one try and stop the highblood’s actions. Now, as this is the RETCON timeline, there was no epic showdown with Karkat shooshing Gamzee out of a rage, but that also means that there wasn’t a situation where Karkat ended up burning to death via lava after some stabs from his ex-moirail. Here, Karkat had little interactions with Gamzee following JOHN EGBERT’S involvement and kept his distance after the violent murders of his friends. As such, a healthy friendship between these two will be hella difficult to make possible and will require lots of help from you on both sides after making sure that a particular party {Hint, hint, it’s not Karkat} is willing to make amends with his formerly best bro. With hard work, determination, and a whole lot of therapy for both parties, repairing that broken bond is entirely possible, but don’t be surprised if its not immediate jump to best bosom buddies or anything right that. Karkles has the right to be wary after all the carnage caused by the clown. But if you’re willing to put in the work and they’re interested in working things out and giving second chances, best be prepared for the slow burn healing friendship.   
**Eridan Ampora**  
Gonna have to unpack a lot there {We have to do this way too much with all these trolls dangit.} so you better sit back and let me get narrating. Now, surprisingly Karkat and Eridan actually had a good relationship prior to the start of their game session, though it obviously had its rough spots. Karkat’s advice with romance probably was useful for the sea dweller, with Kar even able to hold a polite, kind conversation with him at times, and the two were close gossip buddies as well. However, things went down the toilet drain when Eridan committed grand wand murder {Though KANAYA MARYAM got better} and Karkat even swore to get revenge for this, although he didn’t manage it in the end, and was unable to healthy communicate with a past Eridan due events. So understandably their current relationship leaves something to be desired. When reunited, expect a lot of screaming, sobbing, and cursing from Karkat as he rips into Eridan and his poor life choices {Which he is definitely regretting} and things will be chilly between them for a while, as he will not immediately forgive the sea dweller for his actions. Still, once tempers cool and Eridan has made ACTUAL attempts of apology and gets it granted, the pair can repair their unusual friendship. While you shouldn’t really try to facilitate the initial step {That shit has to be done on their own time} you can help along the later stuff, holding a movie night or even critiquing romance novels with the pair of them and letting it run its due course.   
**Feferi Peixes**  
Admittedly, there isn’t a lot for us to analyze concerning our local friendleader and heiress to the Alternian Empire, but we’re positive that they’re on civil enough terms! He puts up with her boundless enthusiasm and constant nicknames, though he can become quite fed up with them at times. Karkat may express some disdain towards some of Feferi’s potential policies she wanted to implement when she became Empress, particularly her intents to rebrand “culling”. Sure it would have meant he and others wouldn’t have to fear for their lives but, there was something about it that rifled him up. Perhaps the wishful thinking of it, the kind fo fairytale bullshit reserved to pan-damaged grubs and morons. Or, that sometimes, kindness to that degree is detrimental {But we’re not getting into the potential issues that the redefined culling or the Beforus standards created. We’ll get there when we get there} Nevertheless, Karkat gets along, not swimmingly per say, but they have mutual respect for one another and Feferi is likely to follow his advice and suggestions despite her own position as Heiress {Which doesn’t amount to much now, but what have you.}

{We at WHAT PUMPKIN would like to add that, should further lines of UNITS be developed and make it to the market, we will send an updated version of the Relationships with Other Units section to further outline their bonds if they are individuals your UNITS have interacted with. If they haven’t, well then you’re screwed and are going to have to watch how that weird shit plays out.}

 **Troubleshooting**  
Now, lots of folks have issues and Karkat is far from the exception to the rule. Emma and I have combined our brain power {Along with a helpful new intern as well as the ecto-biological department} to figure out some of the most common issues that may befall our crabby leader and the potential solutions we can recommend.   
**Karkat got cut somehow and now he’s in a cataonic state, eyes blown wide and flipping out about his blood while trying to avoid me, pressing his back into a corner with that sickle of his out and ready to hack. Help???**  
And there’s the ramifications of all the propaganda bullshit, self loathing, and fear concerning Karkat’s mutant blood color coming out. Along with his blood. Long story short, Alternian culture considered normal red blood a crime against nature, punishable for by death, and Karkat, for all his understanding that he’s not on the planet anymore and the acceptance of his hue by his friends, well that ain’t easy to shake off. He’s going to be on the defense, trying to avoid everyone and once he covers it up with a bandaid or something, he should calm down soon but still be twitchy. It’s important you don’t spook him, but by reminding him of your own blood color {Whether or not you cut yourself to remind him is up to you, but if it works for JACK NOIR/SPADES SLICK then it’ll work for you} you should also be able to help him relax and get close enough to provide medical assistance. Having any of the HUMAN UNITS will certainly help him adjust and possibly a KANAYA MARYAM as well, though it’s best if most other TROLL UNITS aren’t around, mostly for his sake. If it’s a serious injury, you’ll need a LIFE player or someone with enough experience such as EQUIUS ZAHHAK to help patch him up. Or take him to emergency care, though you might get some raised eyebrows for his refusal to remove cosplay.  
 **I keep finding Karkat sobbing on the couch while watching TV in the middle of the day, not tiny tears but huge gross rivers of red pouring down his cheeks with dozens of messy tissues around. He doesn’t even seem to care his color is on display. Any advice?**  
Ah, it would seem that Karkat has discovered the most drama filled media known to man {Besides reality TV and that shit is ridiculous and the Bachelor should burn in hell}: Soap operas. His romantic heart is being fed by all the relationships and tender moments, but the constant twists and turns, the backstabbing, the “will they, won’t they?” question constantly repeating even after three or four goddamn seasons of these leads winding circles around one another is making him an anxious mess. He’s so entrenched in this bitch he could hardly care about his color out for the world to see, though after he pulls his emotions together after the show is over he’ll probably panic a bit and try to save face. If you’re a fan of this sort of content, see if you can’t join him at times to catch up on what bullshit’s up and raise your bonds with him. Other UNITS may join, especially ROSE LALONDE, DAVE STRIDER {For the irony of course. And to snark at things with Karkat to get his attention, dude is like a needy cat when it comes to affection and whining Dave: notice me kitkat senpai with plenty of other affectionate nicknames thrown in until Karkat, either moved by the endearments or annoyed at their ridiculousness, will respond. It’s great, almost as fun as Karkat bingo.}, KANAYA MARYAM, and ERIDAN AMPORA, as most of them are in it for the romantic drama and to criticize some of the ridiculous plot devices {I mean have you WATCHED some of this? How many cases of “they have amnesia” or “long lost twin” or some other bullcrap have we seen from script writers sweating as they’re forced to stretch out the season on what little content they have to go on and keep having to repeat cliches to save their ass from the chopping block? Far too many.} Either way, Karkat is in no immediate danger and it can actually be a good way to bond with him and others so all is well.   
**I’ve been introducing Karkat to a lot of my friends and family and even have some other units at my house. It’s all going well, but I’ve just got the feeling that there’s a ton of people who have a crush on Karkat? It’s just this vibe I get due to how easily he connects with people. It’s not really a problem but I’m so confused. And I think...I’m in love with Karkat???**  
Ah the good old Vantas charm at work right there. Despite Karkat’s testiness and rude demeanor, he’s actually really good at making friends due to how surprisingly stable he is {By troll standards} and his ability to empathize with people. Possibly there’s some influence from both his Blood Hue and Classpect mixed in with his personal charm as well. He’s got the potential to entering relationships, both human and quadrant types, with just about every UNIT we’ve mentioned and just being excellent friends with the rest of them, and normal non-UNIT related folks aren’t immune to that certain air Karkat has. And honestly, who wouldn’t love Karkat? Just be careful in case he happens to get any crazies on his ass, not taking no for an answer, or if any future TROLL UNITS you happen to acquire start duking it out.

If there are any issues that have not been outlined here, shoot ol' Luis a call at XXX-XXX-0413 for all your UNIT troubleshooting needs. Or to just troll him for shits and giggles. He needs to lighten up a little.

 **Final Words**  
We at WHAT PUMPKIN are absolutely delighted to reveal our first TROLL UNIT to you readers and hope that you’re just as ecstatic to see Shouty McStumps in the flesh and blood. Sobbing as you hear him curse you six ways to Sunday in the most creative and eloquent of ways. I know we were when we first heard him scream  GOD FUCKING DAMNIT YOU SHITTY ORANGE BASTARD HAVE I NOT BEEN THE UNIVERSE’S INFERNAL CHEWTOY LONG ENOUGH? YOU PROLONG MY SUFFERING LONG AFTER THE ANNOYING SQUEAKER HAS BEEN SILENCED, CHEWED TO RUBBERY BITS AND SLATHERED IN THE PROVERBIAL SLOBBER THAT IS THE ASININE BULLSHIT I’VE BEEN FORCED TO ENDURE FOR SWEEPS. STRETCHING OUT MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE RATHER THAN PUTTING ME OUT OF MY MISERY AND GRANTING ME THE LONG OVERDUE ANONYMITY OF THE VOID.  Got a little annoying after a while and we had to get him into the box for shipping, but we love him all the same. And we hope you love him too! He might be a prickly dude overdue for some Lifeboy soap in the mouth, but he’s incredibly defensive of his friends and has a heart of gold deep, DEEP under that exterior. Be kind to him and he will, well not exactly be kind in return, but he will forge a bond of friendship with you even stronger than the swords of Hephestus. 

**Author's Note:**

> Whew! Was worried I wouldn’t be able to make my deadline despite the extra time, but I’m glad it’s all done! I am going to be adopting an every other week addition to the manuals for the trolls, partially due to changes in my current schedule as well as the fact I have to do a lot more research and re-readings with all the characters involved, in addition to updating the kids Relationship sections as well with each new troll.  
> As always, thanks to the amazing botgal for listening to me ramble and all the support for this project. Comments and kudos are always appreciated, and I hope that this latest manual will be entertaining for you! Be back on 4/10 for a girl that puts the “ooky” in “spooky”! In the meantime, check in this weekend to see additions to the other Units relationships, which will be updated the further we go too. Thanks again!


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